Daylight Saving Time: A Comedic Perspective

By: Bob Adner

The time has come the government said- to think of other things.  Of saving time or losing time or if time really does have wings. Now that November 3rd is upon us we have to decide if we want to be one-hour younger or one-hour older. Wouldn’t it be nice if you’re in an argument and you could make a point that you thought of an hour from now. Or maybe you could win the lottery by making out a card with the winning numbers one hour before the drawing. (Just don’t try to cash it in BEFORE the drawing)!  Now I’m stepping into the realm of seeing into the future so I will discontinue that train of thought. Back to Daylight Savings time!!  Why couldn’t there be a Night Time Savings time. I would much rather lose an hour in the middle of the night rather than lose a perfectly good hour somewhere in the middle of the day. Especially if I  was doing something important like drinking beer or counting the ants crawling in and out from the cracks in my driveway.  Another idea-let’s take a half hour just before midnight and a half hour just after midnight and join them in marriage. That means we only lose a half hour per day. More time for counting ants. Or drinking beer!!

One time in the fall I decided I would bag up some of the leftover sunlight and store it in my dark cellar. Then on a gloomy day in  January I could open a bag and cheer up the whole neighborhood. Or maybe open up a bag on Groundhog Day and cheer that old grouch up. Of course, that would help him see his shadow and the neighbors would probably burn my house down in retaliation. However, I found I had bagged my sunlight in clear plastic bags and the sunlight leaked out. Next time I’ll put it in black bags. I wonder if cats and dogs observe Daylight Savings Time? We used to have a dog that didn’t. He just slept all day. The cat spent her extra hour annoying the dog.

Now another thought, it takes eight minutes for the light from the sun to reach the earth. This determines how far light can travel in a year. It is known as a light year. So how about a light year savings time. If we could shave an hour off each year it takes us to go around the sun we could accumulate enough extra time to make a couple extra trips around the sun before we finished our morning coffee.

I think I’ve about exhausted this subject so I’ll shut the computer down and go count some ants!!